Today I'm 5 days past the transfer of my Day 6 frozen  embryo--or, in infertility hieroglyphics-- I'm 5dp6dt. I was hoping to to hold out on doing a home pregnancy test (hpt) until Wednesday, which would be 7dp6dt, but we all know patience and ivf just don't quite go together. I caved.

Now, with my previous cycles that resulted in some form of implantation, I did not get a positive hpt until the day before or the day after my beta. But today, four days before my beta, I'm seeing just the slightest little pink line. I hope it's not my eyes deceiving me. Sometimes when you want something so bad, you can swear that you see it... in the right light... at the right angle... with one eye closed... while holding your breath.
I do plan on testing again, hopefully this afternoon and again tomorrow morning. I'm praying this little line becomes darker. I've been fooled before by a faint bfp that remained a faint bfp until I eventually miscarried 3 weeks later. I need to see a dark bfp in the works here. A big, fat, positive in any light at any angle.

As far as symptoms go, I just had some mild cramping on the afternoon of my transfer and then lots of cramping for two days that followed. It seems to have lightened up. Now I just feel some tension in my uterus here and there... hoping it means my little guy has dug in and is starting to grow! I started with a bad headache last night, but this morning I feel okay. 

Anyone who has done ivf before knows that this game of "what was that?" goes on for most of the first trimester. Then there's the fun of trying to distinguish a symptom of pregnancy from a side effect of the medications. (Hint: It's pretty much impossible.) You'd think by now I'd have learned to just relax and wait for the beta, but like I've said before, every cycle makes us just a little more crazy. :-)

So tonight was the big night... the night I named my blog after... the night I caved in to all the theories about what boosts ivf success rates... tonight was the night I ate the freaking pineapple core.

If you've never tried to gnaw through the core of a pineapple, I can share with you, it's not fun. Imagine eating the really bitter, yet somewhat juicy, chunk of an evergreen branch. It's the best way I can think to describe it. Clearly, the core was not intended for casual human consumption--particularly because it took several minutes to chew through a piece the size of my thumb. But, it's supposed to be where all the good stuff is located: the bromelain.

Now that I've ingested these magical little tropical enzymes, I should feel confident that tomorrow's transfer will be a huge success, right? Right. And, yes, all of the other 24 pills and the intramuscular progesterone injection play a part too. I've got positive energy surrounding me, and I'm willing to bet that everything together will result in one big, fat, positive pregnancy test in about 10 days.

Now, let's start thinking sticky thoughts and keep our fingers crossed that there's really something to this pineapple thing!

I went in for a lining check on Sunday to find that things are starting to thicken up the way they should. And, just as in previous cycles, my Estrace was bumped up to 2 pills twice a day. I'll go back in on Thursday to see if my lining is thick enough to put my transfer on the calendar in pen.

With this increase in Estrace, I am now taking a total of 15 pills per day:

• 1 Synthroid
  
• 2 Morning Estrace
  
• 1 Morning CoQ10
  
• 2 Afternoon Vitamin D3
  
• 2 Afternoon Prenatal Vitamins
  
• 1 Afternoon CoQ10
  
• 2 Evening Estrace
  
• 1 Evening CoQ10
  
• 3 Evening Metformin
  

There has got to be an easier way to manage all of these pills besides a counter-top lineup of pill bottles that I have to stow away every time the doorbell rings for fear of my neighbors organizing an intervention. And it's damn near impossible to find pill boxes large enough to accommodate 15 pills.

So, I'm throwing it out there. The first person to design a convenient Pez-style dispenser for IVF medications will get my ringing endorsement as being absolutely brilliant. Something I can just load up with all of the pills for the week (or even just a couple days!) and pop them in one at a time...  A girl can dream, right?

I've shared before that my husband and I were incredibly blessed to have success with our first cycle of IVF. We had our nothing-short-of-a-miracle daughter in April of 2010, and every failed cycle since then has just reinforced what a gift she really is.

Well, Jocelyn is about to turn three in a few weeks and is becoming quite the conversationalist. I was completely caught off guard when I got home from my retrieval to hear her shout, "Mommy, did the doctor take all of your eggs out?" She's also quite the little eavesdropper because I definitely did not have that conversation with her.

Jocelyn has a really great group of playmates that we see pretty regularly, and all of them... all of them... now have little siblings--which leads to a natural question. "Mommy, where's my little sister?" It comes up often, and I usually respond, "We just have to keep asking God to give you a little brother or sister." Usually, Joss just accepts this answer, says okay, and hops/bounces/dances off to go play. 

Well, last night was a little different. After my usual response, Jocelyn said, "Let's call God." She ran into her playroom and came back with her little purple Fisher-Price phone, handed it to me, and said, "Here, Mommy; call Her and ask." I had to smile, especially because she referenced God as a woman (can you tell Mommy's a feminist?). But I also admired her sense of urgency. This is serious business. Get this God woman on the phone and demand some action!

I took her little phone and tried my best to have the conversation she was looking for. "Hi, God. It's Mommy and Daddy. We were just wondering if you could help us have a baby and let Jocelyn have a little brother or sister.... (pause)... Okay, you're going to try really hard to help us?... (pause)... Okay, then we should continue to pray and know that we are doing everything that we can? ...(pause)... Okay, we will. Thanks for your help, God. Take care."

Jocelyn seemed satisfied with the call, and in some ways, so did I. It gave me a chance to remind myself that I am doing everything that I can. I struggle with a good dose of mommy-guilt that we brought Jocelyn into this world and now may not ever be able to give her the sibling she requests so often. We just didn't think that baby #2 would be this hard. And, since this is our last attempt, it's important to accept that God has this. There is nothing that I could have done differently to help make this work... nothing. This transfer is going to be in God's hands now. And we just have to pray that She takes phone requests.

We received the most glorious news on Saturday (well, next to hearing that we're actually pregnant). Our RE confirmed that we have 8 embryos that made it to Day 6! They were all successfully biopsied and frozen. So now we wait for the results of Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD) testing, which should take about 2 weeks... a whole new 2-week-wait to stress over. I assume that we'll probably lose a few due to chromosomal abnormalities, but odds are good that we'll have at least two embryos to transfer. Huge relief!

We've been sharing our IVF journey with a bunch of our friends and family, so naturally, we were excited to share this news with them. I love that the question I keep getting about these embryos is: "Will you transfer all 8?" Knowing what I know about IVF, the answer is obviously no. But I still have to chuckle at the thought of being the next Octomom with my own little litter of kids.

It's also quite fitting that today, March 18th, is Goddess of Fertility Day--fitting because today is also Cycle Day 1 for me again. It's time to start building up my lining to prepare for a frozen embryo transfer (FET), and how wonderful that I get to kick off this part of my cycle with a celebration of Aphrodite. 

I've actually been channeling the Greek goddess of fertility throughout this entire cycle with a charm that is supposed to symbolize fertility. It was given to me by a friend who had it blessed, and I am to return it to her after I get pregnant. I'm hoping that I get to give it back to her very soon.

Aside from celebrating Cycle Day One with tampons and a cramps, I'm also starting the seeds to my garden today. Symbolism just abounds here. It just feels like a great day to honor rebirth, fertility, and growth.